You're a slave? Take off your shirt and let me get a bullwhip.

(The following blog will contain no profanity)

The other day while watching something political on TV I saw some would-be politico named RICK BARBER in Alabama running an ad in the congressional race in which he's running where he compared paying taxes to being a SLAVE. He attacked the federal government (which seems to be the style these days) and said that working for months so that "A stranger gets a meal or medical procedure or someone gets a bailout" is "Slavery". What's more he had an actor portraying Abraham Lincoln say it to make it seem poignant. He then went on to say that "we've shed too much blood in the past to prevent men from being slaves."

My first response was Richard Prior's favorite twelve letter profanity then I stopped to think about just how ignorant either Mr. Barber is or how ignorant you have to be to follow him. If I remember the American Civil war correctly then men from Alabama weren't fighting FOR the Union they fought against it and FOR the wealthy agrarians who didn't start the war FOR the sake of slavery, but did choose to preserve it.

If Mr. Barber would like to compare himself to a slave then I would like to extend the following challenge to him.

Mr. Barber I encourage you to move to one of the more rural parts of your state of Alabama or maybe Mississippi or maybe even my birthplace of Louisiana. Move your entire family into a squalid one room house with a leaky roof and a dirt floor. Allow me to randomly pick a new name for you and teach you the rudiments of a foreign language which shall be spoken by myself and those supervising you in this 'experiment'. Should you or any member of your family be caught referring to one another by your given names and NOT the ones we gave you or using the English language we'll tie you to a post, strip you to the waist and give you lashes with a bullwhip. Sound like fun Mr. Barber? It gets better.

You and your family shall work from sun up to sundown six days a week picking cotton, harvesting sugar cane, picking peas or whatever work I can find for you. You'll subsist on a diet of salt pork, grits, hominy or whatever is cheapest.

Should I find an opportunity to make a few extra dollars, I reserve the right to sell or rent out your children or your wife to ANOTHER plantation and you just might not see them again. While we're on the subject of your family, I won't be above taking sexual liberties with the female members of your family if I'm so inclined.

Does this upset you Mr. Barber? Should you voice your indignation I'll have one of my overseers strip you to the waist and give you lashes with the bullwhip I mentioned earlier as I stand on the balcony over looking your shack sipping a mint julep. Let's make this even more fun Mr. Barber, let's play this sadistic little 'game' for the rest of your life.

Do you find this disturbing Mr. Barber? You should, it was the experience of millions of American slaves including my ancestors. Mr. Barber when you compare paying taxes to being enslaved you may as well stand over the unmarked graves of my ancestors and freely urinate on them as you loudly laugh racial slurs. Comparing taxation to enslavement is like comparing apples to watermellons (no pun intended) and it insults not only people of color, but the men who fought in the bloodiest conflict on American soil. Mr. Barber, God HELP the congressional district in Alabama you're running for should they elect you. I'll wager there are ficus plants who are infinitely more qualified than yourself to hold this office.