Stupid Statements from Classrooms

There's an old cliché which says: "There are no stupid questions." I would have to vehemently disagree as I've heard questions and statements in classrooms that were so excruciatingly stupid that I wished I had some sort of telekinetic ability to either blow up the idiots who uttered them or at least sterilize them so that they couldn't pollute the gene pool. Some of these things I heard directly others were repeated by colleagues.

"What's the difference between an 'oxymoron' and a regular moron?

"Do we have to do work today? It's MONDAY!"

"Report cards come out next week and I got a zero? Can I get some make up work?"

"It don't matter If I work in here or not. You GOTTA PASS ME!"

"How come I got a F? I was HERE every day!"

"Why do we have to do class work? It's FRIDAY!"

"I know I aint did nothing today, but I gotta leave early for football practice."

"Why you giving us work today.  It's the last day before Thanksgiving!"

"You gave me a zero for copying? He copied off me!" (the person saying this had a 37 average)

"You lucky I don't kick your ass!" (kid half my size)

"Why we gotta work? They gettin' ready to let us go on Christmas break!"

"How come I got a 37 in your class?" (he turned in two assignments during a grading period)

"Man I don't need this class! I'm going to the NBA/NFL/My dad/uncle's construction company!"

"Me and my girlfriend gettin' ready to have another baby! I don't know why, but her mama act like she don't like me."

"You aint from the hood, you wouldn't understand." (I'm from the hood)

"I thought you couldn't get pregnant your fist time having sex!"

"I want a baby! They so cute!" (said by a 15 year old)

"Why we gotta work today? We gettin' ready to go on Spring break!"

"No,  it's only offensive if it ends in 'er' not if if ends in 'ga'. " (explaining the difference between "n:883r" and "n:88a")

"I don't give a (bleep) if I flunk this class it's just (fill in name of ANY CLASS)"

"She my daughter, but I try to be her best friend."

"Man. I just come here to meet girls and sell drugs."

"I don't come to school to mutha-(bleep)in' READ! I come here to PASS!"

"Mr./Miss _______ failed me  cause  (he/she don't like me/ is racist/don't like blacks/Mexicans)"

"I don't feel like doing my work, can I go to the liberry/gym/random location?"

"We wutn't smokin' weed!" (when you walked in and caught them and they were the only ones there)

"My son/daughter doesn't lie."

"My son/daughter said this woman is flunking her because she doesn't like Mexicans." (90% of the students in the class are Mexican and many are passing)

"Why don't you just give us the answers?"

"Can we leave early?"

"Can we go to all three lunches?"

"Hey Miss ______ what's your number?"

"You aint tell us we had a test!" (When you've given them a review sheet with the answers TO the test)

"Man I don't do no homework!"

"What pages the answers on?"

"Why don't you just give everybody 100?"

"You can't flunk me just cause I aint do no work!"

"Can you show me how to make meth?"

"Can you show me how to build a bomb? I won't tell nobody!" (yeah because I'm not telling you dumb ass)

"How come we can't go in the teacher's lounge? That aint fair."

"Give me a dollar."

"I'll just take this class in summer school." (kid doesn't know that you're the only one teaching the class in summer school)