DISCLAIMER: I am a cancer patient. While I may not have any active cancer/cancers in my body at present (that I know of), I'm very cognizant that it could return. I am in no way attempting to say that all cancer experiences are like my own. Each person's cancer journey is like a fingerprint given that each is different. While they may have some commonalities, each persons fight with this affliction differers just as each person differs. Some cancers are more aggressive than others, and not all of us who battle this son of a bitch will prevail. This is a long, and ugly road and I pray for my brothers and sisters who trod this road with me. I remember those who trod it before me like my late grandmother, three of my uncles and five of my aunts. My heart especially goes out to all the children who suffer with it who were diagnosed before they began to live and all who will walk on this road in the future. My purpose in writing this is to give insight to my battle with something which I'll loathe until the day I draw my last breath and hopefully which won't be the cause of my demise. While I can't and won't attempt to speak for all cancer patients I will say to those NOT on this road who would tell those of us on it how to walk, shut the hell up. To those who've pretended to be on this road for either attention or money, I hope that hell is a real place and that a special place in it is reserved for you.]
In that dingy oncologists hallway beneath humming florescent lights, tightly clutching a thick, multicolored nylon rope attached to a worn clapper, you triumphantly ring a shiny brass bell as smiling family members and medical staff applaud. You pull the rope towards. you making the clapper resound as it strikes the sides again and again as you smile so hard your face literally hurts. One of your loved ones is in tears and even your curmudgeon of a doctor has mustered a smile for the occasion. You've done it. It's over. You've BEATEN CANCER!
You're a colossus straddling two continents of a newly conquered world. You are invincible! Take a breath and gently release it. You're in a beautiful place called remission. The fact that you've entered this beautiful place can be attributed to early detection, a dedicated group of medical professionals and a will to fight. You feel good and you deserve it. Now pause. Just as the Confederate States of America didn't win the civil war after the first battle of Bull Run, you have NOT defeated cancer.
This war has just begun. You have won a major victory against one of the most evil bastards in existence. He's been around since the dawn of mankind and silently killed before we knew his name. Sometimes we wrote him off as "old age", "natural causes" and sometimes when doctors had no clue they would simply call him "consumption". This merciless son of a bitch has obliterated, lungs, brains, kidneys, livers, bladders, pancreata, uteri and every organ known. He's infected blood streams, mangled breasts and genitalia and robbed many of the ability to have children. On a daily basis this scourge even attacks small children and even infants. He has neither compassion nor empathy and ignores all attempts at logic and reason.
You stand triumphantly above him as Ali did above a prone Liston smiling, shaking your fist knowing that you "Shook up the world." You my friend have just put him on his back but you've hardly defeated him. He can rise from the canvas and return and challenge you to the rematch no one wants and you have no choice but to fight him again. He's the ignorant school yard bully who attacked you because he assumed you were weak. You fought back, put him on his heels and presumed that to be the end. It may be, but it may not. He's as persistent as he is repugnant. He may come back, he may not. He may come after your children or grand children.
You are now a member of a unique club comprised of those of us who've fought him and are in remission. Our guard is up as yours should be. We walk the mean streets he created like John Shaft in his heavy, black leather trench coat with a holstered Colt 1911 ready to fight him again if he shows his ugly face. We don't fear him and neither should you. Never fear him, but do respect him and adjust to the fact that he is now and forever part of your life. He is the ex with whom you have children. In a perfect world you'd never see him again but know that the possibility of his return while not welcomed shouldn't be dismissed.
No, you don't have a target on your back. Try new restaurants. Strike up conversations with total strangers. Step outside of your comfort zone. He tried to take your life and failed. Live your life. Dance, sing, cook, skate, skydive, travel and if you can LOVE! You've earned the right to taunt him, but never let that guard down. The rest of us don't. Know that winning a battle against him means you can beat him. How do you beat him? Live your life, and die of something else as nature intended.
