I...Hate Everything about....(list #1)

In the 90's Rock group Ugly Kid Joe did a tune called "Everything About You" in which the singer outlined everything he hated about his girlfriend. I'm not here to bitch about a lady, but rather about little things in every day life that irritate the hell out of me.

Hand Sanitizer: For God's sake. I'm IN a bathroom. I want a big, soapy anti bacterial lather. This crap is just some gooey alcohol that kills germs...but leaves dirt in place. I had axel grease on my hands. The hand sanitizer killed every last germ in it! I can't touch ANYTHING....but if I did the huge black stains I left would be hypoallergenic!

BlueTooth Headsets: Ever see a guy walking down the street talking to himself? If you saw this before 2005 it was some mentally disturbed individual discussing the subtle differences between 18th century British Parlaimentary procedures and the current model used in India or Why Pitt the Elder was a MUCH better Prime Minister than Benjamin Deshrali. NOW if you see the same guy and he has a little piece of blue plastic on his ear...you can rest assured that some bozo OTHER than you is listening to this prattling dufus.


Fox News: I could care less that they used press releases from the Bush Whitehouse as news stories. It doesn't bother me that they trash President Obama. They make the hate list because of the whole "tea bag" fiasco. People, you're entitled to slant to the right. The world would suck if we all agreed, but you can't argue that you're fair and balanced and that you're merely reporting news if you SPONSORED the "tea parties" and set up "tea party" web sites. Ladies and gents despite how un-abashedly pro Obama MSNBC is...durring the presidential campaigns they didn't set up Obama web sites. For the record I don't hate YOU guys. It's the hypocricy I hate.


The BCIS Ratings: So I have to watch USC, UT and Notre Dame in Bowl games every season even if they post sucky records because by VIRTUE of the fact that they are USC, UT and Notre Dame...they're going to AUTOMATICALLY make it to bowl games? There are colleges and universities with winning teams who we'll never see playing in a bowl game, because YOU jackasses don't know of any famous alumni from the schools in question. You guys should change if from the BCIS to the BSCIS. It would be more fitting. Hey guys ever hear of PLAYOFFS? They do it for college basketball...no one's complained yet.

Kid's Breakfast Cereal: Not because they're loaded with sugar. Not because they have no nutritional value, not because they're possibly the worst things any human can possibly consume...but because they don't put PRIZES in the boxes anymore! WTF people. A brotha can't get a decoder ring in a box of Cocoa Pebbles? Captain Crunch out of 3D glasses? You people sicken me!

People who talk on the PHONE or Text while driving: Okay. We as a society live under the DELUSION that there is such a thing as "multi-tasking" Translation a bunch of cheap A-holes who run companies rather than letting individuals be productive by doing one thing at a time give one person the work of three people. This idiocy crept it's way into real life to the point where people will attempt to manuver a couple of thousand pounds of steel and fiberglass through groups of people doing the same while:

a. applying make up
b. eating
c. playing air guitar
d. text messaging
e. receiving "oral pleasure" (as outlined in the film "Pulp Fiction")
f. watching small video screens
g. reading books/ news papers
h. combing their hair
i. TALKING ON THE PHONE!

People try something novel...like...um...I don't know....DRIVING YOUR *FCUK(tm.)ing car!


*FCUK = French Connection United Kingdom a clothing manufacturer...I had no idea they made cars.


The Techno remix of ANYTHING!!!: I liked the song. I liked the first remix...do you have to do 20 remixes of a given song or worse still give it the same sickening euro-trash (in 2/4 time dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum...dum-dum-dum-dum-dum) back beat? Just shoot me in the forehead, it would be much more humane than hearing the mega-mix of Elmo singing the alphabet.

The Dallas Cowboys: They didn't do anything in particular this time around, but I've always hated the organization for various reason and I just didn't want to leave them out.

Basketball referees: The officials are the reason I don't watch basketball anymore. No one calls traveling EVER! "Marquis" players don't get called for ANYTHING. Michael Jordan was a gifted athlete...he didn't NEED referees ignoring the FLAGRANT fouls he committed...but they did anyway. If you doubt that refs can control the outcome of a basketball game...ask the Sacremento Kings how four of their starting FIVE fouled out in a playoff game against the Lakers.

Activist with 'mysterious' sources of income: Ever see someone on TV with the caption "community activist" under their name? I'll bet it's someone who has a camera in his/her face whenever there is an issue with some disenfranchised group. After the rally or press conference ends, this person usually hops into a new Mercedes or a Range Rover and drives off to a big house..rather than some kind of job. I'm all for helping out one's community...but if it seems like it's all you do you kinda look like a parasite. Martin Luther King was a minister, Caesar Chavez was a Union Organizer. My point? Both of these cats had jobs. Look into it...


The Hills/Keeping up With the Kadashians/Jon & Kate/ Kathy Griffin/ & Every"SCRIPTED reality show: I only know who Heidi and Spencer are...because TMZ puts a camera in their faces every 8 seconds and TELLS ME their famous, prior to that I neither knew, cared nor gave a vugg. Insofar as I can figure out she's an idiot and he's a douche incapable of growing visible facial hair. Kim Kardashian is pretty enough, but had she not video taped herself getting her freak on with Brandi's barely talented younger brother (who would have had neither a recording/acting career without her) would anyone have any clue who she was? You're a pretty Armenian girl with a big butt...so what. That and $5.00 will get you a coffee at Starbucks. If you don't have any actual talent you shouldn't be famous simply for BEING famous. The exceptions are Kathy Griffin and Maragret Cho. They actually ARE commedians and both can act so I won't dog them out.


Parents who insist on being thier child's "Friend": Being physically and mentally abusive to little Johnny may wreck his self esteem. I agree; however, treating Johnny like he's your younger brother rather than your son and never showing him that his actions have consequences will turn him into a disrespectfull little vinegar and water filled feminine hygeine product with an overwhelming sense of entitlement who as an adult will need a deep-down-home-countryboy-what-you say-about-my-mama-ASSWHIPPIN'. So be Johnny PARENT now. You can be his friend/mentor/big brother when he's in his 30's.


Celebrity "News": I like Angelina Jolie's movies, but I don't need to know that she took her son shopping for a new Playstation 12? or is adopting a small child from the Democratic Federated Socialist Republic of Yusukistan. Let celebs have a private life.

Ryan Seacrest: Sorry you did WHAT to earn a star on the Hollywood walk of fame? Stanley Kubrick directed iconic films...and HE doesn't have one. You're a radio DJ who hosts American Idol and says: "Seacrest Out" as you're leaving a room. Cha...not feelin' ya princess. I want to see a bunch of thugs beat the man down for sport and have one of them say 'Seacrest out.' before knockin' him the vugg out. What a tool.

Movies based on tv shows OR that are remakes of OTHER films: Are there so many idiots running Hollywood that no one has an original idea, or does Hollywood lack the cojones to make films and television shows that take any kind of risks? Hey Hollywood...grow a pair.

Tom Brady: Miss, when you have a 40 point lead in a football game after two quarters of play, if there are 60 seconds on the clock...in the second quarter you kneel on the ball and run down the clock. You don't shove the ball down your opponents throat and try to see if you can score another touchdown. That madame where I come from is what we'd call a bitch move. Wonder why you spent last season out with that leg injury? Because you've been playing like an arrogant little BITCH for most of your career.

Well there you have it. The first installment of the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind and if ya don't like it...life's hard....deal with it.